Anonymous asked: When dani has the baby she scared she won't connect with it
“Do you want to hold her babe?” Santana’s words were nothing but an echo. She was going deaf, and blind, and she was on the edge of going numb. Everything became real as she noticed that little person squealing in her girlfriend’s arms.
Nothing’s real until it’s expressed, as long as a thought is simply a thought it is not real until spoken, or expressed, and that’s when it gets scary, because reality wasn’t as easy to erase. That baby that was so pure and innocent, and that had been growing inside her for all those months was the other end of the most horrifying nightmare, that sadly for her, it wasn’t a nightmare, it wasn’t a thought, it had been, and still was, very… very real.
“Babe?” Santana’s mind was rising too. Although she was far from the pain Dani had gone thought, she was scared too, she wasn’t oblivious to how serious things had been, and how horrible the damages it caused could turned out, but she had hope, and she had faith, faith in that blond girl that she got to call hers, that was laying down on that hospital bed, after struggling for nine long months, with sweat running down her skin because of how hard she had worked to bring that little baby to the world.
She was scared but she knew it, the second she held the little girl in her arms… she knew there was no reminder of such horrible thing in her little face, or her swollen little eyes that could barely be held opened, or on her pouting swollen lips, or on the roundness of her bald head that looked so perfect and so much like her mother’s.
“No” Dani mumbled as she shook her head, There was no explanation to what she felt but the numbness kept her back, with her guard up… she was holding onto the doubt, that perhaps she was going to be able to love her baby like all mothers do… maybe it was all going to turn out well… but the possibility of it going terribly wrong was still there and she felt she wasn’t ready to figure it out.
“Baby… she wants to meet you” Santana whispered as she walked closer to her. Dani bit her lower lip as she looked at the baby in her arms. She looked around the room, every nurse smiling to her. She looked back to the baby. What if the baby was god making up to her? What if she was the entire reason of all that pain? What if that baby was what her heart looked for night and day to find peace?
“Okay there you go…” Santana whispered as she placed the squealing baby on her girlfriend’s chest. The baby’s cries became louder and louder as she was placed on her mother’s chest making Dani’s heart rate raise in desperation.
“She doesn’t like me no no, no take her away” Dani said holding the baby with her hands and gently pushing her up to Santana.
“She just wants to feel your skin darling, she misses mommy” One of the nurses told her as she stripped her from her hospital gown. Dani had no time to notice what the nurse was doing because it all happened so fast. The baby quieted down immediately as she was placed against her mother’s naked breasts.
Dani held her in her arms for the first time and what she thought to be awkward and horrific was the most natural she had ever felt and her heart stopped for a moment and started beating all over again, for a different reason, and that reason was there squirming on her arms turning to her chest to nibble on her skin to what seemed to be an endless task to get closer and closer to her mother.
“Baby…” Dani mumbled as her tears rolled down and her body shook and trembled. She was the cure to all her sorrows and she was the answer to every call, she was so perfect and beautiful it made her question everything… and went to asking herself why was life so unfair to asking herself, how can something be so beautiful? How can life be so wonderful?
She smiled though the tears and looked at her girlfriend with a huge smile on her face. Both girls cried and smiled at the same time as they looked at that little bundle of perfection that was just given to them.
“She’s so perfect” Dani whispered sniffing and looking at the baby. The little girl squirmed and whimpered a bit.
“I believe what she wants is to be fed” The nurse explained smiling. Dani pulled her away for a bit to expose her breast and looked at the nurse for approval. She was about to do what she had feared the most, not being unable to bond with her baby… but the bond had always been there and opposite to what she thought, the love was always there as well. As soon as the nurse nodded she got the baby closer to her breast and… the rest was history.